Center Stall - West Point/Army Humor from Mike Nemeth

Apple launches new Navy iPad

2010-12-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

Make sure you watch the commercial for Apple's new Navy iPad!

Hey - I might have actually made a 'stadium appropriate' video - probably not though, I'm sure they'll be something 'offensive' about it...

Wikileaks exposes Army/Navy scandal

2010-12-07T21:28:00.000-08:00

I knew it! Here's the real story!

Army Navy Week! - Videos from around West Point

2010-12-07T16:28:00.000-08:00

The Corps has... - back when I was a cadet, there was no 'YouTube' - I had to dig out old VHS tapes of Army spirit videos, digitize them myself, pay for hosting, and then get yelled at by GoldCoats for crashing the USMA network...

Here are a few of my favorite Army Navy spirit videos from around the web:

French Riots - Go Army Beat Navy

2010-10-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

Couldn't help myself when I saw an opportunity in Paris. Go Army! Beat Navy

Afghanistan Goes Gaga!

2010-04-30T14:53:00.001-07:00

Some good stuff from soldiers in Afghanistan...

With Army - Old Grad Video

2009-12-10T09:35:00.001-08:00

Finally a new video out of AOG - Not at all what I expected

Navy Music Video: "I'm on a Boat"

2009-12-07T17:05:00.000-08:00

Only the Navy is 'professional' enough to make a video like this... I sadly can't take credit for embarrassing the Navy this well. Practically doing my job for me. Maybe I'll make the remix "I stay on boats." - Stay Classy Navy!

Sleeping through lectures...

2009-12-01T17:59:00.000-08:00

Where's his spoon?!

Leadership Phrase Generator

2009-03-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

The solution to all of your performance review needs! Click above to view the web-version of the Leadership Phrase Generator - (will require an ActiveX install) - Enjoy!

If anyone would like to partner with me to help develop a mobile app version of this and a few other projects, please contact me! Thanks!

Video - Comrades!

2009-02-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

Snow storms don't get in the way of walking hours at West Point!

Yes - those are cadets on 'snow shovel' detail in front of the hours formation.

Submitted by a brave cadet from Mac Barracks.

Do you have great West Point videos - send 'em to Center Stall

Video - Joe First Captain Episode 2

2009-02-11T21:13:00.000-08:00

This is the second and unexpectedly final episode of Joe First Captain. A visiting congressman complained about the show and nobody bothered to tell him that it was a joke. After an email from the Com, my 'video production privileges' were suspended and Joe First Captain was cancelled.

Video - Joe First Captain Episode 1

2009-02-04T17:26:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not, I pitched the idea to USCC for a week-long romance/dating series to be shown in the Mess Hall...and they went along with it - ridiculous, I know. I started writing and filming during the last months of my cow year. A big thanks to everyone who appeared in the videos. The Fox reality series 'Joe Millionaire' had just finished when this was originally released.

Video - Army Football and Samuel L Jackson

2009-01-28T11:15:00.000-08:00

Another previously un-released video. Rejected because it was 'too angry' for Army Navy.

Video - Army Hockey Outtakes

2009-01-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know how this could possible promote violence against women - clearly they hit back!

Video - Army Hockey

2009-01-28T10:51:00.000-08:00

Another rejected Army Spirit video - from the Com: 'This video promotes violence against women.' ...amazing.

Video - Navy Spirit Video Spoof

2009-01-28T10:44:00.000-08:00

I obtained an advance copy of Navy's spirit video in 2003:

So I suggested we play this one in the stadium to trash it...REJECTED!

Video - Secret Navy Spirit Video

2009-01-28T10:35:00.000-08:00

I screened this video to a panel of TACs, the RTOs, the BTO, and the Com. One RTO and the Com stood stone-faced the entire time...didn't even crack a smile...REJECTED!

Video - Grad Week Challenge

2009-01-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

This is a legitimate question - Drill or hit in the head with a bottle?

Video - Weekend at Saddam's

2009-01-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

The Greek exchange cadets learned first hand about 'cadet borrowing' when their uniforms ended up in a quick Center Stall video

Video - Beat Navy?!

2009-01-28T10:10:00.001-08:00

You can imagine how long I had to talk with these people in order to trick them into saying 'Beat' and 'Navy.'

Video - Barracks Linebacker Outtakes

2009-01-28T10:01:00.000-08:00

Many of the knock-off versions out there are weak with the hits. Here's the truth - Quisenberry has a neck like Gumby.

Video - Barracks Linebacker

2009-01-28T09:49:00.000-08:00

If only there had been YouTube when I made this...instead I just got angry emails from network administrators across the Army about how my video crashed their servers...

Video - History of the IOCT

2009-01-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

We filmed all of this in one afternoon. Sorry about the length - I didn't really understand the importance of pace... 'Thanks Sir!'

Video - Airborne!

2009-01-28T08:31:00.000-08:00

Plenty of pissed off Airborne Rangers out there don't like this video...but I get a kick out of it. Much thanks to Ian Fleischmann for the initial idea! Also, this came out when mp3s was banned, hence the works cited page at the end. Made on Windows Movie Maker

Video - Sol Feinstone Lecture

2009-01-28T08:11:00.000-08:00

This was one of my earliest videos - There wasn't even any video, I just brought a digital camera along to a class lecture that turned out to be incredibly boring. Made on Windows Movie Maker

Firstie Year - Issue 84 - New Parking Policy

2009-01-28T07:25:00.000-08:00

Yes - some LTC thought that we could improve regimental cohension if we all parked in the same lot together... or 3rd and 4th Reg would get stuck with the lots furthest away and just get pissed.

Firstie Year - Issue 83 - USAA Sends More Mail

2009-01-28T07:21:00.000-08:00

As a positive side to the worldwide financial crisis, maybe USAA will cut back on their mailings...

Firstie Year - Issue 82 - Dean Brings Thayer Method to Iraq

2009-01-28T07:19:00.000-08:00

Maybe this is why they were so angry for so long...

Firstie Year - Issue 81 - Surprise Parking Inspections

2009-01-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

Obviously, once I became a Firstie, I was more sensitive to the parking nonsense at West Point.

Firstie Year - Issue 80 - Dean and Com in New Films

2009-01-28T07:10:00.000-08:00

I know I went a little overboard with Photoshop...

Firstie Year - Issue 79 - CDT vs. Chief of Staff of the US Army

2009-01-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

I'm certain that everyone has sat through a lecture like this one.

Firstie Year - Issue 77 - Napoleon Finally Defeated

2009-01-28T07:03:00.000-08:00

As a European History major, I had this idea for long time, but needed to wait until it matched up with the Mil Art syllabus.

Firstie Year - Issue 76 - First Captain Recalled

2009-01-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

For those at West Point in '03-'04 - I wrote this article in October...

Firstie Year - Issue 75 - Physics Seeks PR Bump

2009-01-28T06:55:00.000-08:00

During this week, I was busy making Army Navy videos that would later be cancelled - but I cranked out my Sunday article with some real pictures from the Physics goons at football games.

Firstie Year - Issue 74 - Class of '04 in Iraq

2009-01-28T06:53:00.000-08:00

I could never decide if the 'values' girl was funnier than the 'hooah' girl.

Firstie Year - Issue 73 - DPE Steals Plans for New Gym

2009-01-28T06:46:00.000-08:00

I think that DPE found this one so funny because they must have considered this idea at some point.

Firstie Year - Issue 72 - Cadets Visit UN

2009-01-28T01:36:00.000-08:00

While the top article is a solid one, the picture in the bottom article is one of my favorites from West Point. Our tour guide nearly kicked us out...

Firstie Year - Issue 71 - Army Football and SAMI

2009-01-28T01:33:00.000-08:00

We would manage to win a few games my firstie year, provided that we scored the game as per the instructions in this article.

Firstie Year - Issue 70 - Army Transformation

2009-01-28T01:30:00.000-08:00

Have a problem with a cadet company? Just disband it - scatter them across the Corps and your problem is solved...

Firstie Year - Issue 69 - Cadet Casual Arrives

2009-01-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

Does anyone still have the memo detailing which brands of khaki pants were acceptable?

Firstie Year - Issue 68 - New Cadets Still Say the Darndest Things

2009-01-28T01:25:00.000-08:00

Here's more real quotes from New Cadets and their actual motto suggestions. I never found out who wrote in 'Big Pimpin' - Class of 2007'

Firstie Year - Issue 67 - My New Cadet Can't Greet

2009-01-28T01:22:00.000-08:00

I had a great time as a Beast 1 Commander - I think that there was some consensus that if I had a leadership position I would be too busy to continue writing articles... but that didn't work out - it just gave me more material.

Cow Year - Issue 66 - Grant Hall: Eat Fresh for More

2009-01-28T01:18:00.000-08:00

How is Grant Hall these days? Have they re-arranged the food and the tables in the last week? I enjoyed this article, mostly because I had an excuse to talk with the cashier.

Cow Year - Issue 65 - SCUS is Loose & A Knee to the Face

2009-01-28T01:16:00.001-08:00

Ask anyone at West Point from '03 or '04 about SCUS is Loose - how many hours did Parker walk for that? ...and then there's a knee to the face from Sam Tignor.

Cow Year - Issue 64 - War on Standards

2009-01-28T01:13:00.001-08:00

I remember some visiting Brits from Sandhurst saying that if they ever tried to print a joke like this at their Academy they'd be kicked out...

Cow Year - Issue 63 - Regime Change Threatened

2009-01-28T01:07:00.000-08:00

April '03 and I think we all had a pretty good idea what things were headed.

Cow Year - Issue 61 - Redneck Special Forces

2009-01-28T01:03:00.000-08:00

Another non-USMA Center Stall...I quickly changed focus after quite a few complaints

Cow Year - Issue 60 - The Brooks Brothers

2009-01-28T01:00:00.000-08:00

A few loyal readers in CENTCOM made sure that the Com's brother, BG Brooks (2) got a copy of this article - you may remember him as the media briefer in early OIF.

Cow Year - Issue 59 - Expert Opinion from Cadets

2009-01-28T00:56:00.000-08:00

Rumor has it that one cadet actually gave a media interview to his local TV station, but it was not CDT SGT (P) Kelly Lanphere, despite his exceptional qualifications.

Cow Year - Issue 58 - Girl Scouts to Iraq

2009-01-28T00:48:00.000-08:00

In the weeks before OIF started, the sweatsuits in the mess hall started to become less important so I wrote my first non-USMA Center Stall article.

Cow Year - Issue 57 - Brigade Staff and 100th Night

2009-01-28T00:43:00.000-08:00

I don't even know what this one is about...I must have been working on a video that week.

Cow Year - Issue 56 - Weight Rooms at Capacity

2009-01-28T00:39:00.000-08:00

Take a good look at those awesome regimental weight rooms in this article - 4 of those should be enough for a military academy right? Also, for some reason we couldn't wear sweatsuits in the mess hall for a couple of weeks.

Cow Year - Issue 55 - No Snow Days at West Point

2009-01-28T00:32:00.000-08:00

A snow storm left more than a third of the Corps stranded somewhere other than West Point...how horrible.

Cow Year - Issue 54 - CPT Standards

2009-01-28T00:27:00.000-08:00

I backed down from my initial idea for this article to be a taste of investigative reporting...but I'm sure that Brigade Staff got their Dave Matthews tickets while the rest of went to breakfast...

Cow Year - Issue 53 - Cadet Casual

2009-01-28T00:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if 'Cadet Casual' is still around...it was only a rumor when I wrote this article. I only took the pictures for the OD scarf and Skirt option. Keith Benedict has some explaining to do still...

Cow Year - Issue 52 - IOCT Remediation

2009-01-28T00:19:00.000-08:00

Those are real tears. Not because Algor didn't pass the APFT, but because I asked him to cry for the camera so he decided to spray Windex in his eyes...

Cow Year - Issue 50 - War on Terror Acronyms

2009-01-28T00:14:00.000-08:00

MG Petraeus visited the week I released this article. One of his aides showed him the article and he got a kick out of it so I sat at his table for a lunch. Proud to get a coin from a MG for making fun of the Army...

Cow Year - Issue 49 - Pre-Crime at West Point

2009-01-28T00:10:00.000-08:00

I tried to avoid writing articles that would be outdated in a month...but Minority Report must have been playing up in Newburgh or something.

Cow Year - Issue 47 - Army Football and Al Qaeda

2009-01-28T00:08:00.001-08:00

Sadly, I could have just reprinted this article every year since... but I do hear that Coach Berry 'broke the wheel.'

Cow Year - Issue 46 - MP3s Banned at West Point

2009-01-27T23:55:00.000-08:00

One of the most ridiculous decisions ever - 'no MP3s' - no exceptions, GoldCoats didn't care if they were audio files from Microsoft Encarta (these were the days before wikipedia). Lasted for about a week - just long enough for us to all have to erase all of our music.

Cow Year - Issue 45 - Motivational Posters

2009-01-27T23:52:00.000-08:00

This was the Supe's first appearance in an article. For the record, it was the Com who was off on the Rocket.

Cow Year - Issue 44 - Can't Spell Bad Ass without ADA

2009-01-27T23:48:00.000-08:00

I assumed that most branching ADA had a good sense of humor. I was wrong and got plenty of nasty e-mail from some O4s and O6s about how insulting this article was...

Cow Year - Issue 42 - Brigade Spirit Posters

2009-01-27T23:44:00.000-08:00

Up until this article, the Com hadn't seen any of my work because none of his staff would forward it to him. This article apparantly made its way to his wife and she posted it on their fridge.

Cow Year - Issue 38 - The 'B' Weekend

2009-01-27T23:41:00.000-08:00

The pictures of cadets are really from the SOP. Most of the conversations are real too...except for the ones with Belushi.

Cow Year - Issue 34 - Hooahs Restaurant

2009-01-27T23:29:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite articles. I actually created 'Hooahs' t-shirts to go along with this article. Obtained a license from Hooters, who had no problem at all with the idea - unfortunately, the trademark obsessed Army Athletic Association had a problem with me using 'West Point, NY' - I'm not kidding. Maybe somebody can help me out with that one because I'd love to sell these again. Oh, and MAJ Paredes scared the crap out of me.

Cow Year - Issue 32 - The 75th Cadet Regiment

2009-01-27T23:21:00.000-08:00

BG Brooks, the new Com, arrived at West Point with big ideas to toughen us up. PT in the morning before classes?! Not a chance with the Dean backing us up.

Cow Year - Issue 31 - Plebes Say the Darndest Things

2009-01-27T23:13:00.000-08:00

If only I had a computer at Airborne school... the summer between yearling year and cow year had plenty of great material for a summer Center Stall but I never found the time. This 'welcome back ' issue contains real plebe quotes...not that they're suprising.

Yearling Year - Issue 29 - Class of '03 Taking Over

2009-01-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

Grad week article from my yearling year. Sadly, those are real pictures from the Air Force Academy from the USAFA website.

Yearling Year - Issue 28 - Who Loves Dress Gray?

2009-01-27T23:01:00.000-08:00

This was the first article to float around among officers at West Point - particularly the ones who thought that Dress Gray all the time was a great idea. The Deputy Commandant, COL Smith, became a fan and called me into his office, only to ask if he could appear in a future article.

Yearling Year - Issue 22 - Yearlings Give Up

2009-01-27T22:54:00.000-08:00

Vintage Yuck bitterness towards the end of my yearling year. By this time, I had a few friends who wrote their own versions of the newsletter and also helped post mine around other portions of West Point beyond the fourth floor of Ike Barracks. Sadly, Andy Zapf wasn't graced with a TAC or an RTO with a sense of humor and was sent to the area.

Yearling Year - Issue 18 - Boo for Battallion T-Shirts

2009-01-27T09:14:00.000-08:00

This is the very first appearance of BG Brooks. Ironically, it was his appearance in this article that saved me since the Battallion staff didn't appreciate my support of the mandatory t-shirt idea. I had to claim to Battallion staff that Center Stall had value in sharing 'important news' with cadets. right...

Yearling Year - Issue 15 - GoldCoats Take Over

2009-01-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

I sure hope that the GoldCoats still screw over cadets like they did with us...random hard drive swaps especially. I was only there for one year of the 'golden age' when the Academy didn't even monitor share drives - amazing what you could find.

Yearling Year - Issue 14 - Soldier of the Quarter Sad

2009-01-27T08:14:00.000-08:00

Here's the first 'real' issue of Center Stall. I get a lot of questions about issues 1-13 - they weren't entertaining whatsoever...sorry. They were a collection of meals and weather forecasts for the week.