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If you're a cadet or old grad and would like to see your West Point satire article or video on Center Stall contact me at mike@thecenterstall.com

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Video - Army Football and Samuel L Jackson

Another previously un-released video. Rejected because it was 'too angry' for Army Navy.

Video - Army Hockey Outtakes

I don't know how this could possible promote violence against women - clearly they hit back!

Video - Army Hockey

Another rejected Army Spirit video - from the Com: 'This video promotes violence against women.' ...amazing.

Video - Navy Spirit Video Spoof

I obtained an advance copy of Navy's spirit video in 2003:

So I suggested we play this one in the stadium to trash it...REJECTED!

Video - Secret Navy Spirit Video

I screened this video to a panel of TACs, the RTOs, the BTO, and the Com. One RTO and the Com stood stone-faced the entire time...didn't even crack a smile...REJECTED!

Video - Grad Week Challenge

This is a legitimate question - Drill or hit in the head with a bottle?

Video - Weekend at Saddam's

The Greek exchange cadets learned first hand about 'cadet borrowing' when their uniforms ended up in a quick Center Stall video

Video - Beat Navy?!

You can imagine how long I had to talk with these people in order to trick them into saying 'Beat' and 'Navy.'

Video - Barracks Linebacker Outtakes

Many of the knock-off versions out there are weak with the hits. Here's the truth - Quisenberry has a neck like Gumby.

Video - Barracks Linebacker

If only there had been YouTube when I made this...instead I just got angry emails from network administrators across the Army about how my video crashed their servers...

Video - History of the IOCT

We filmed all of this in one afternoon. Sorry about the length - I didn't really understand the importance of pace... 'Thanks Sir!'

Video - Airborne!

Plenty of pissed off Airborne Rangers out there don't like this video...but I get a kick out of it. Much thanks to Ian Fleischmann for the initial idea! Also, this came out when mp3s was banned, hence the works cited page at the end. Made on Windows Movie Maker

Video - Sol Feinstone Lecture

This was one of my earliest videos - There wasn't even any video, I just brought a digital camera along to a class lecture that turned out to be incredibly boring. Made on Windows Movie Maker

Firstie Year - Issue 84 - New Parking Policy

Yes - some LTC thought that we could improve regimental cohension if we all parked in the same lot together... or 3rd and 4th Reg would get stuck with the lots furthest away and just get pissed.

Firstie Year - Issue 83 - USAA Sends More Mail

As a positive side to the worldwide financial crisis, maybe USAA will cut back on their mailings...

Firstie Year - Issue 82 - Dean Brings Thayer Method to Iraq

Maybe this is why they were so angry for so long...

Firstie Year - Issue 81 - Surprise Parking Inspections

Obviously, once I became a Firstie, I was more sensitive to the parking nonsense at West Point.

Firstie Year - Issue 80 - Dean and Com in New Films

I know I went a little overboard with Photoshop...

Firstie Year - Issue 79 - CDT vs. Chief of Staff of the US Army

I'm certain that everyone has sat through a lecture like this one.

Firstie Year - Issue 77 - Napoleon Finally Defeated

As a European History major, I had this idea for long time, but needed to wait until it matched up with the Mil Art syllabus.

Firstie Year - Issue 76 - First Captain Recalled

For those at West Point in '03-'04 - I wrote this article in October...

Firstie Year - Issue 75 - Physics Seeks PR Bump

During this week, I was busy making Army Navy videos that would later be cancelled - but I cranked out my Sunday article with some real pictures from the Physics goons at football games.

Firstie Year - Issue 74 - Class of '04 in Iraq

I could never decide if the 'values' girl was funnier than the 'hooah' girl.

Firstie Year - Issue 73 - DPE Steals Plans for New Gym

I think that DPE found this one so funny because they must have considered this idea at some point.

Firstie Year - Issue 72 - Cadets Visit UN

While the top article is a solid one, the picture in the bottom article is one of my favorites from West Point. Our tour guide nearly kicked us out...

Firstie Year - Issue 71 - Army Football and SAMI

We would manage to win a few games my firstie year, provided that we scored the game as per the instructions in this article.

Firstie Year - Issue 70 - Army Transformation

Have a problem with a cadet company? Just disband it - scatter them across the Corps and your problem is solved...

Firstie Year - Issue 69 - Cadet Casual Arrives

Does anyone still have the memo detailing which brands of khaki pants were acceptable?

Firstie Year - Issue 68 - New Cadets Still Say the Darndest Things

Here's more real quotes from New Cadets and their actual motto suggestions. I never found out who wrote in 'Big Pimpin' - Class of 2007'

Firstie Year - Issue 67 - My New Cadet Can't Greet

I had a great time as a Beast 1 Commander - I think that there was some consensus that if I had a leadership position I would be too busy to continue writing articles... but that didn't work out - it just gave me more material.

Cow Year - Issue 66 - Grant Hall: Eat Fresh for More

How is Grant Hall these days? Have they re-arranged the food and the tables in the last week? I enjoyed this article, mostly because I had an excuse to talk with the cashier.

Cow Year - Issue 65 - SCUS is Loose & A Knee to the Face

Ask anyone at West Point from '03 or '04 about SCUS is Loose - how many hours did Parker walk for that? ...and then there's a knee to the face from Sam Tignor.

Cow Year - Issue 64 - War on Standards

I remember some visiting Brits from Sandhurst saying that if they ever tried to print a joke like this at their Academy they'd be kicked out...

Cow Year - Issue 63 - Regime Change Threatened

April '03 and I think we all had a pretty good idea what things were headed.

Cow Year - Issue 61 - Redneck Special Forces

Another non-USMA Center Stall...I quickly changed focus after quite a few complaints

Cow Year - Issue 60 - The Brooks Brothers

A few loyal readers in CENTCOM made sure that the Com's brother, BG Brooks (2) got a copy of this article - you may remember him as the media briefer in early OIF.

Cow Year - Issue 59 - Expert Opinion from Cadets

Rumor has it that one cadet actually gave a media interview to his local TV station, but it was not CDT SGT (P) Kelly Lanphere, despite his exceptional qualifications.

Cow Year - Issue 58 - Girl Scouts to Iraq

In the weeks before OIF started, the sweatsuits in the mess hall started to become less important so I wrote my first non-USMA Center Stall article.

Cow Year - Issue 57 - Brigade Staff and 100th Night

I don't even know what this one is about...I must have been working on a video that week.

Cow Year - Issue 56 - Weight Rooms at Capacity

Take a good look at those awesome regimental weight rooms in this article - 4 of those should be enough for a military academy right? Also, for some reason we couldn't wear sweatsuits in the mess hall for a couple of weeks.

Cow Year - Issue 55 - No Snow Days at West Point

A snow storm left more than a third of the Corps stranded somewhere other than West Point...how horrible.

Cow Year - Issue 54 - CPT Standards

I backed down from my initial idea for this article to be a taste of investigative reporting...but I'm sure that Brigade Staff got their Dave Matthews tickets while the rest of went to breakfast...

Cow Year - Issue 53 - Cadet Casual

I'm not sure if 'Cadet Casual' is still around...it was only a rumor when I wrote this article. I only took the pictures for the OD scarf and Skirt option. Keith Benedict has some explaining to do still...

Cow Year - Issue 52 - IOCT Remediation

Those are real tears. Not because Algor didn't pass the APFT, but because I asked him to cry for the camera so he decided to spray Windex in his eyes...

Cow Year - Issue 50 - War on Terror Acronyms

MG Petraeus visited the week I released this article. One of his aides showed him the article and he got a kick out of it so I sat at his table for a lunch. Proud to get a coin from a MG for making fun of the Army...

Cow Year - Issue 49 - Pre-Crime at West Point

I tried to avoid writing articles that would be outdated in a month...but Minority Report must have been playing up in Newburgh or something.

Cow Year - Issue 47 - Army Football and Al Qaeda

Sadly, I could have just reprinted this article every year since... but I do hear that Coach Berry 'broke the wheel.'

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Cow Year - Issue 46 - MP3s Banned at West Point

One of the most ridiculous decisions ever - 'no MP3s' - no exceptions, GoldCoats didn't care if they were audio files from Microsoft Encarta (these were the days before wikipedia). Lasted for about a week - just long enough for us to all have to erase all of our music.

Cow Year - Issue 45 - Motivational Posters

This was the Supe's first appearance in an article. For the record, it was the Com who was off on the Rocket.

Cow Year - Issue 44 - Can't Spell Bad Ass without ADA

I assumed that most branching ADA had a good sense of humor. I was wrong and got plenty of nasty e-mail from some O4s and O6s about how insulting this article was...

Cow Year - Issue 42 - Brigade Spirit Posters

Up until this article, the Com hadn't seen any of my work because none of his staff would forward it to him. This article apparantly made its way to his wife and she posted it on their fridge.

Cow Year - Issue 38 - The 'B' Weekend

The pictures of cadets are really from the SOP. Most of the conversations are real too...except for the ones with Belushi.

Cow Year - Issue 34 - Hooahs Restaurant

One of my favorite articles. I actually created 'Hooahs' t-shirts to go along with this article. Obtained a license from Hooters, who had no problem at all with the idea - unfortunately, the trademark obsessed Army Athletic Association had a problem with me using 'West Point, NY' - I'm not kidding. Maybe somebody can help me out with that one because I'd love to sell these again. Oh, and MAJ Paredes scared the crap out of me.

Cow Year - Issue 32 - The 75th Cadet Regiment

BG Brooks, the new Com, arrived at West Point with big ideas to toughen us up. PT in the morning before classes?! Not a chance with the Dean backing us up.

Cow Year - Issue 31 - Plebes Say the Darndest Things

If only I had a computer at Airborne school... the summer between yearling year and cow year had plenty of great material for a summer Center Stall but I never found the time. This 'welcome back ' issue contains real plebe quotes...not that they're suprising.

Yearling Year - Issue 29 - Class of '03 Taking Over

Grad week article from my yearling year. Sadly, those are real pictures from the Air Force Academy from the USAFA website.

Yearling Year - Issue 28 - Who Loves Dress Gray?

This was the first article to float around among officers at West Point - particularly the ones who thought that Dress Gray all the time was a great idea. The Deputy Commandant, COL Smith, became a fan and called me into his office, only to ask if he could appear in a future article.

Yearling Year - Issue 22 - Yearlings Give Up

Vintage Yuck bitterness towards the end of my yearling year. By this time, I had a few friends who wrote their own versions of the newsletter and also helped post mine around other portions of West Point beyond the fourth floor of Ike Barracks. Sadly, Andy Zapf wasn't graced with a TAC or an RTO with a sense of humor and was sent to the area.

Yearling Year - Issue 18 - Boo for Battallion T-Shirts

This is the very first appearance of BG Brooks. Ironically, it was his appearance in this article that saved me since the Battallion staff didn't appreciate my support of the mandatory t-shirt idea. I had to claim to Battallion staff that Center Stall had value in sharing 'important news' with cadets. right...

Yearling Year - Issue 15 - GoldCoats Take Over

I sure hope that the GoldCoats still screw over cadets like they did with us...random hard drive swaps especially. I was only there for one year of the 'golden age' when the Academy didn't even monitor share drives - amazing what you could find.

Yearling Year - Issue 14 - Soldier of the Quarter Sad

Here's the first 'real' issue of Center Stall. I get a lot of questions about issues 1-13 - they weren't entertaining whatsoever...sorry. They were a collection of meals and weather forecasts for the week.